The Target

[Chaoss]

I made this story a few years back, and yes i think i overdid the whoosing bit ...but i still think it came out great :)

Hope you like it!

NOTE: probably will be one of my only stories, just please say what you thought about it.

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A Runescape novel by Chaoss

Whoosh. I wake up. What was that noise? The curtains flap wildly in the unnatural breeze. Whoosh. A green hue flashes outside my window. Whoosh. I cautiously push through my bedroom to the tattered curtain. Whoosh. I pull back my curtain. No

* * * * *

"Hello?" I called out into the ever waiting darkness. "Hello??" I paced nervously. This was obviously not my bedroom. I examined my surroundings. Four walls, slimy with grease and lichen from outside. A thatched rooftop, barely enough to keep out the pouring rain. Three torn sheets, thrown haphazardly in a heap. "Hello?" I called out again, now nervous. "Hello!" I scream to the empty cell. Then start to run drunkenly in a circle, pushing my weight against every rough surface, clawing through the dirt, flailing at the roof. Finally, a movement. The heap of sheets in the corner rustle and then disappear, leaving behind a brown trapdoor. I moved toward it cautiously, and peered down into the darkness. I was about to make my decent down into the pit to follow where it lead, when a slight tap on my shoulder made me jump.

"Greetings Eric Pyle," the mysterious and weathered man said to me.
"Hello?" I responded, obviously not knowing whom I was speaking to.
"Ah," the old man seemed to see my hesitance, "You do not know me, but I know you. I know everything, and everyone."
"Then would you mind telling me where I am?" I asked.
"You do not know?" he asked, "Well, of course you don't. Eric, you are in the town of Shilo."
I suddenly remember my bedroom, waking up, and the green flash outside my window. I remember opening the window, but what did I see? It was terrible, I remember that, but what exactly was it?
"Eric!" The old man said, "I know you have a lot of questions, but I have to leave you know. Here, take this." The old man thrust a heavily carved box into Eric's open hands and took some gray rocks with faint blue, white, and red carvings from out of his cloak. "I will see you some other time Eric," he said, and with a smash of the rocks together, he disappeared.
Eric gazed at the item in his hand, and wondered what it could be. There were 6 surfaces, all with a shape, and in that shape, a number. He pressed the number 6 in the circle, and all of a sudden the box glowed. With a yelp of astonishment, Eric dropped the box onto the floor, and watched as it twisted and moved. Finally it came to a halt. Eric picked up the box, and pressed the 6 again, also in the circle, and with a slight click, the box opened, leaving behind a jet black stone, preciously shiny, smooth like leather, but hard as a diamond.

Whoosh. What? Whoosh. Oh no, not again. I stumbled blindly into the darkness, feeling for a way out of the room. Whoosh. Of course! The trapdoor. I ran to the door in the floor, but all of a sudden a wall crashes down on top of it. The remaining the wall falls, leaving behind a purple portal. The roof ignites into a crimson flame, making me cringe with the heat of the flames. Whoosh. It is just me, the portal, and BAM! The rest of the walls fall letting me see my attacker.

The Green Dragon roared. It finally found the Target again. With a shriek, it sped toward it, filling its mouth with flame. There was no escape this time, and with another great roar, it shot flames at the Target.

Eric was scared. Huge flames were about to hit him. There was no where left to run, except for the weird portal in the wall. With all his might, he turned around, and sprinted toward the glowing purple wall. He leapt through it, and almost fainted, feeling a sudden chill around his body, but a strange heat around his legs.

The Green Dragon roared again. It lost the Target for the second time, and its master would not be pleased. To make sure there was no way of coming back, the dragon smashed the portal, and flew away toward the tower of smoke and magma, wondering what would happen when he got back.

Eric woke up, again not in his bedroom. This time he was lying on a bed made of ice, but was surprisingly comfortable. A distorted window smudged the background, and Eric could not tell where he was. Suddenly, the window moved.
"Are you okay Eric?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay?"
"Who's saying that" Eric wondered
"Me, of course"
Then Eric saw who it was, or what it was. A person made entirely of ice. Of course! The Warriors made from Ice from the White Wolf Mountain in the north! But why were they here, or why was he there?
"Eric, you came through the wall right there, it was a new portal we just discovered, but we cannot get back through, we don't know why."
Eric understood, and finally remembered. "The dragon must have destroyed it."
"Dragon!" The ice warrior nurse said, "then it's true! The giants were not lying after all, Elvarg has finally re-awoken."
"Elvarg?" Eric remember the story of a mythical creature, a dragon, by the name of Elvarg. He was the fiercest dragon in the land, and terrorized all the citizens of it too. One day a brave adventurer sailed across the sea, and vanquished it, setting the people free.

And it had woken once again.




* * * * *

Eric was happy living with the ice creatures until he got better. He learned how to fight, how to heal quicker, how to hide in crevices, and most importantly, how to fight dragons. For even though he did not know it, Eric was the one destined to slay the dragon.
One day it was time for Eric to go back across the sea to his home town in Lumbridge. He sailed back with some warriors who had been his friends for the months he was healing in, and it was a sad time to see them leave him. When Eric left the ship, he sailed down a river on a little Waka canoe, and eventually arrived in his homely abode at the center of all Lumbridge’s attention.
Eric saw about 40 people around his cottage. Far more people then he even knew lived in that little town! They were all exited, and when they saw him, gasped in surprisement. Then a cheer rang out, and Eric was startled. He read the banners, signs, and saw the new monument dedicated for him. And they all read the same thing. "Eric Pyle, future slayer of the dragon Elvarg."
Eric did not know what to do, but after a little talk with Kevin from the champions guild in Varrok, and a chat with Duke Horico of Lumbridge, he decided he would have to slay the dragon. After his months of training, he realized, that's why they trained him. They knew he would be the one to slay the dragon, and made him ready.

Master, I have failed you. He escaped yet again. I will wait for him in my den. He knows me now, and he must kill me. Or try to. I will hold him back like countless others, but with his death will reinvigorate the want to kill me even more, and soon armies will come to me awaiting my death, for a free world once more.

Eric was ready. He was sailing on a ship moving rather quickly in the high winds. His captain was Ned, on old sailor who Eric assumed was partially blind for he kept going weird ways and smashing into smaller boats. Eric was dressed in full Runite Armor, an anti-dragonfire shield, and a Scimitar made from the finest piece of rune, from the very wilderness itself. The boat heaved and moaned in the high seas, and Ned smashed once again. This time into a blackened rock. The boat's hull gave way, and the boat started to sink. With a thud, it hit shore, and everyone departed, Eric, wishing this would be quick.

They are here, I can feel their presence. One wishes to kill me, while the others merely come to watch. Ha! I shall kill them all!

Eric gazed up at the smoldering volcano, and started the ascent to the peak. He saw scorpions bigger then any home, giants made entirely of moss, hobgoblins as orange as dye, and demons as fierce as a dragon itself. He was ready.
Eric climbed down an old frayed rope, and looked around the new landscape. It was pitch-black, with nothing to be seen. He took out a torch, and struck a match to it, letting the flame ignite on the dry wood. The flame showed him more then he wanted to see.

Here is my final chance, but I will win. The Target will now die. I will win. The world will once again be mine.

Eric heard it before it came. Well, he saw it too. Whoosh, a crimson flame came again. Whoosh, another right after. Eric lunged to the side, glancing a blow to the dragon. He couldn’t even see it unless it was breathing fire, and his own torch had gone out. Eric had a better idea. He used the ice warrior method, and hid between a crevice in the rocks. He took out some stone, and smashed them together in the general area of the dragon. A bright red glow shot out of it, and in the distance he heard the dragon howl. Eric took out some arrows and a bow and started shooting, until the flame came back, and he hid once again.
Now was time for the final blow. Eric ran out, scimitar at hand, and cracked it right down the dragons face. Blood shot out, straight onto Eric’s armor, onto the floor, and into the ground. The dragon roared, screamed, and wailed. Then, fell dead. Eric had won, the world was safe, and he, was a hero.

~A Novel by Chaoss~

[Asian Rapini]

Hmm.

One of the first things i noticed is that you changed tenses about 30 times in the course of that story. One minute you're telling it from Eric's point of view. The next, you're the dragon. Then you suddenly switch into third person. And you keep getting your tenses mixed up. One minute you're in present tense, the next you're in past

In my opinion, this detracts from what would otherwise be a rather good story.

My advice is to pick a tense, and stick with it. I would probably choose to tell it from Eric's point of view in the past tense. If you want to keep what i assume are the thoughts of the dragon, perhaps you could italicize them or somehow separate them so we know they are not part of the rest of the story.

I liked how you played on the Mysterious Old Man and his cube, and i liked your description of Ned.

If you're willing to spend some time revising this story, it could become very great.

You show promise as a writer, you simply need to work on mechanics a bit more.

Good luck to you, and i hope you continue to write.

ps: 'suprisement' is not a word ^_^

[Chaoss]

wow thanks for the help!

you make a good point about the tenses...ill italiseze the next one i make, if it does make it seem better. I was trying to base it off some books i read, and they didnt do that in them, but reading it over again i see what you mean

and i think surprisement is a word..well maybe not :P

[Asian Rapini]

no, you merged surprise and amazement into a new word.

but maybe if you used it enough, it would become a word!

=P

[Chaoss]

ok, i am officially saying that word everyday now :)

[qonnen]

I found it very entertaining
and odd that I didnt notice those tenses things...

But there has to be a sequal and I will be eagerly awaiting its arrival!

[chomama23]

Yeah, very nice job!

I'd recommend spacing it out a bit more. It's hard to read big blocks of text on a computer screen.

Impressive. Do another one, please!

[katokon333]

i liked it a lot
besides some formatting issues

[Chaoss]

yea, i first typed it in word and it looked much better...the tabs didnt appear when i posted it

ill start the sequel on monday :)

[do you 23]

NICE MAN.... i cant wait 4 da sequel